London Fields

LONDON FIELDS (18)

D: Mathew Cullen

GVN (Chris Hanley, Jordan Gertner & Geyer Kosinski)

UK/US 🇬🇧🇺🇸 2018

118 mins

Mystery/Thriller

W: Roberta Hanley & Martin Amis [based on the novel by Martin Amis]

DP: Guillermo Navarro

Ed: Douglas Crise, Joe Plenys, Jamie Trevill & St. John O'Rorke

Mus: Adam Barber, Benson Taylor & Toydrum

Amber Heard (Nicola Six), Billy Bob Thornton (Samson Young), Jim Sturgess (Keith Talent), Theo James (Guy Clinch), Jason Isaacs (Mark Asprey)

I've not read the book by Martin Amis, but I can only assume that it wasn't as messy or boring as this film.

Slutty 'actress' Amber Turd plays slutty femme fatale Nicola Six, who has an affair with three men and has premonitions that one of them is going to murder her. The rest of the plot revolves around Billy Bob Thornton's writer and some utter bollocks about darts.

For a mystery-thriller to really work, you need to care about the characters and I really don't here, especially because Amber Heard is a terrible actress and her character is as repugnant as I consider her to be in real life. Johnny Depp pops up for a cameo, but even his presence can't save this mess.

It has to also be mentioned that production on this wrapped three years before it was released, and the director had no say on the final cut which he was very unhappy with. Nevertheless, I can only review it based on what it is, and not what it could be, and it really isn't good. Watching Amber Turd trying to eke out anything resembling an acting performance is painful.

3/10