Pearl Harbor

The trite love story from Titanic (qv) is given a fresh makeover with the location transferred from the decks of the doomed ship to the naval base of Pearl Harbor, Hawaii in the days leading up to the Japanese attack.

Two pilots, friends since childhood, fall for a beautiful nurse at the base and fight with each other shortly before they take to the skies and kick the ass of the Japs.

As a history lesson, this film is the worst kind of bad and as a love story it's even worse. At least there's something positive to say about the film, in the shape of convincing production design, visual effects and some beautifully picturesque photography, but it's unfortunately not enough. The screenplay is as shocking as the performances, which sees Ben Affleck doing his finest example of "smell the fart acting" and Jon Voight portraying Franklin D. Roosevelt as though it's some kind of personal insult to the former president. It's just about what you'd expect from a Jerry Bruckheimer-Michael Bay collaboration.