Twilight (film series)
Kristen Stewart is back as vacuous, disingenuous and ungrateful little girl Bella Swan in this sequel to a movie I didn't really like in the first instance.
This one has "Romeo & Juliet" references throughout, probably so author Stephanie Meyer can add plagiarism to her résumé following the romanticisation and bastardisation of vampires in the first book/movie.
After being abandoned by her bloodsucking lover R-Patz, K-Stew is hounded (literally) by creepy werewolf Taylor Swift (or Lautner, whatever) and there's some love triangle bullshit with a beastly twist.
It's all porn for teenage girls. If you're not in the target audience for these movies, it's all pathetically laughable, poorly acted crap where two creepy guys fight for the love of a teenage girl without a personality.
The continuation of THE WORST SAGA IN CINEMA HISTORY continues with the 3rd in the series of Twilight. I'm not a twelve year old girl, I've not read the books, I can only review these movies from my own perspective and not the niche demographic they're aimed at.
As I've already stated, I've not read the books, but they seem like Stephanie Meyer just makes them up as she goes along. It's just more bastardization of vampire/lycanthrope legend for girls too young to read proper literature.
The first two films were cheaply made with poor production values and terrible special effects to fully exploit the cult success of the books. A ploy that worked since the first two movies grossed millions of dollars.
There is no reason for the third movie to look so cheap, as if it were thrown together over a weekend by a bunch of kids.
Personally, I am bewildered as to why any two people/creatures (whatever) would be involved in a love triangle over Bella. She's the most boring, passionless cocktease in the history of cinema.
So... The last in the series of these BAD movies is split into two parts, presumably to extort more money from its fanbase and no other reason whatsoever. I don't buy the statement that it's because the book is longer than the others and therefore they had more to cram in. This is a cinematic adaptation, of which screenwriters are paid to truncate unnecessary scenes, dialogue and exposition to make a snappier narrative.
I really don't understand the appeal of these films (or the books), they're just lazily written man-hating diatribes by a loathsome woman author who has no connection with reality whatsoever.
The first three movies were seemingly about a girls choice between necrophilia and bestiality, it's no surprise that this movie has to throw some paedophilia into the mix.
The wussiest vampire in the history of cinema and literature marries his cardboard lover Bella, they have sex, play chess, have sex again, play chess, have sex, play chess and break beds. She gives birth to a CGI baby and shirtless man-wolf Taylor Lautner instantly falls in love with it. Honestly.
Utter bollocks!!
And so ends the worst series of movies I've ever seen, I'm just glad to get it all over and done with so I can pretend they don't exist and watch some proper vampire movies like Dracula, Near Dark & The Lost Boys.
First of all, I can't believe two guys would spend 4 movies fighting over a girl who is so uninteresting, emotionless & frumpily unattractive, but what this climatic episode to the saga does is simply OUTRAGEOUS!
All the build up from the previous four movies ends with Taylor Swift (whatever) suddenly being cool with Bella being transformed into a creature of the night (whatever) because he's destined to get jiggy with her daughter- who's not even one-year-old yet.
The werewolf-vampire battle to end all battles also turns out to be a damp squib, since it doesn't even happen, despite being the main selling point of this movie.
I'm not a teenage girl, I've not read the books, I can only review the movies from a cinematic point of view and I can quite honestly say that they are all amongst the worst movies ever made.
